Monday, February 20, 2012

Jewish Humor: Business Is Business

Monday Humor

Here are this week's Jewish jokes, each with a focus on business:

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross.

Soon the hat of the man with the cross is overflowing with coins and notes and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty. A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: "Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."

The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says: "Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business."


David has done well for himself and is Mayor of a small town in Israel.

One day, David and his wife Andrea are walking past a construction site. Suddenly, one of the construction workers stops and calls out

"What's new, Andrea?"

"Why, it's nice to see you again Avi," Andrea replies. She turns to introduce David to the construction worker, and they speak for several minutes.

After David and Andrea continue on, he turns to her and asks how she knows Avi.

"Oh," Andrea said. "We went to the same high school. I even thought about marrying him."

David began to laugh. "You don't realise how lucky you are. If I hadn't come along, today you would be the wife of a construction worker!"

Andrea replied without hesitation, "Not really. If I had married him, he'd now be a Mayor!"


"If I were Rockefeller," sighed the Hebrew teacher from Chelm, "I'd be richer than Bill Gates."

His friend asked, "What do you mean? How could you be richer?"

"I'd do a little teaching on the side."


When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But it's a decent town and nobody really bothers him.

One day the teacher asks the class "Who was the greatest person who ever lived? and why?" And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty

All of the kids called out their guesses.

One said "George Washington, because he was the father of our country."

"That's excellent" said the teacher.

Another said "Abraham Lincoln, because he freed the slaves."

"That's also good" said the teacher, reluctant to bestow an excellent, but still being polite.

One little girl said "Joan of Arc, because she saved France."

Another excellent choice said the teacher.

Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand. So the teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?"

And Abraham said "Jesus Christ."

The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "I'm very surprised. Class, I think we can all agree that Abraham should get the twenty dollars." And she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money.

At recess, the teacher was still very impressed. So she asked Abraham why he said Jesus.

Abraham said "Look, personally I think Moses was the greatest person who
ever lived, but... business is business!"


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