Monday, March 12, 2012

Jewish Humor: Mothers

Monday Humor

The focus this week is on Jewish mothers.

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Three Jewish mothers are sitting on a bench in an indoor mall talking about (what else?) how much their sons love them.

Sadie says "You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday. What a good boy he is and how much he loves his mother."

Minnie says,"You call that love? You know the Mercedes I just got for Mother's Day? That's from my son Bernie. What a doll."

Shirley says "That's nothing. You know my son Stanley? He's in analysis with a psychoanalyst in Harley Street. Five session a week. And what does he talk about? Me."


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A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"

"Not too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"

The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call." 

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Three sons of a Yiddishe Mama left their homeland, went abroad and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their ageing mother:

AVRAHAM, the first, said, "I built a big house for our mother."

MOISHE, the second, said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

DAVID, the youngest, said, "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible? Now she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the whole Bible--Mama just has to name the chapter and verse."

Soon thereafter, a letter of thanks came from their mother:"

AVRAHAM," she said, "the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"MOISHE," she said, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver has shpilkas--he's a pain in the tuchas."

"But DAVID," she said, "THE CHICKEN WAS DELICIOUS!"