Monday, May 28, 2012

Jewish Humour: The In-laws


Monday Humor

Much of the Jewish humour on this site can be found in this wonderful book: The Encyclopedia of Jewish Humor, compiled and edited by Henry D. Spalding.

This week's humour is focused on the In-laws

Two Jewish women were sitting under hair dryers at the hairdresser. 

The first lady says, "So nu, how's your family?"

The second one responds, "Oh just fine. My daughter is married to the most wonderful man. She never has to cook, he always takes her out. She never has to clean, he got her a housekeeper. She never has to work, he's got such a good job. She never has to worry about the children, he got her a nanny."

She continues with a question to the first lady, "So how is your son these days?"

The first woman says, "Just awful. He is married to such a witch of a woman. She makes him take her out to dinner every night, she never cooks a dish. She made him get her a housekeeper, G-d forbid she should vacuum a carpet! He has to work like a dog because she won't get a job and she never takes care of their children, because she made him get her a nanny!"

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Once two ladies came before King Solomon, fighting over a boy.

“He’s my son-in law” one said

“No he’s mine” countered the other.

After thinking for a few minutes the King finally decided on a ruling. “Bring me my sword and we will cut the boy in half, they will each get half.”

“No” the first lady screamed “don’t cut him in half I would rather the second lady get the whole son-in-law.”

Ah hah, said King Solomon with a big smile I now know who is the real mother-in-law. For a only the real mother-in-law would stand quietly while her son-in-law gets cut in half.”

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George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation, and while they were visiting Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial. 

The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law, told George, "My friend, the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000." The Consul continued, "In most of these cases, the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150."

George thinks for some time, and answers the Consul, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back. That's what I want to do." 

 The Consul, after hearing this says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much, considering the difference in price between $5,000 and $150." 

 "No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem, and on the third day he was resurrected. Consequently, I do not want to take that chance!"

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