Monday, July 30, 2012

Monday Humour: Logic & Deduction

Monday Humor

Much of the Jewish humour on this site can be found in this wonderful book: The Encyclopedia of Jewish Humor, compiled and edited by Henry D. Spalding.

This week's humour is focused on Logic & Deduction:

A young man applies to study with a Talmudic scholar. The scholar rejects him, saying, "Before you can study Talmud, you must know Jewish logic."
"But I already know logic," protests the student,
"Aristotelian syllogisms, truth-functional logic, predi­cate logic, set theory everything."
"That's not Jewish logic," replies the scholar, but the student persists, and so the scholar offers to give him a test to determine whether he is prepared.
"Here is the question," says the scholar. "Two men go down a chimney. One has a dirty face, one has a clean face. Which one washes?"
"That's easy," says the student, "the one with the dirty face."
"Wrong," says the scholar. "The one with the clean face looks at the other one, sees a dirty face, and thinks his must also be dirty, and so the one with the clean face washes."
"I see," says the student. "It is a little more compli­cated than I thought, but I can do this. Please test me again."
"All right," sighs the scholar. "Here is the question. Two men go down a chimney. One has a dirty face, one has a clean face. Which one washes?"
In surprise the student answers, "Just as you said, the one with the clean face washes."
"Wrong," says the scholar. "The one with the dirty face observes his companion looking at him and mak­ing ready to wash his face. 'Ah ha,' he thinks. 'He must see a dirty face, and it's mine.' And so the one with the dirty face washes."
"It is even more complicated than I yet realized," says the student, "but now I do understand. Please test me once more."
"Just once more," says the scholar. "Here is the question. Two men go down a chimney. One has a dirty face, one has a clean face. Which one washes?"
"Now I know the answer," says the student. "The one with the dirty face washes, just as I thought in the beginning, but for a different reason."
"Wrong," says the scholar. "If two men go down a chimney, how can only one have a dirty face? Go and study. When you know Jewish logic, come back."
Digging to a depth of 1,000 meters last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1,000 years. The French came to the conclusion that their ancestors had a telephone network centuries ago. 
Not to be outdone by the French, English scientists dug to a depth of 2,000 meters. Shortly thereafter headlines in the UK newspapers read: "English archaeologists have found traces of a 2,000-year-old fiber-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors had an advanced high-tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier than the French.

One week later, Israeli newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 5,000 meters in a Jerusalem marketplace, they found absolutely nothing. They thus concluded that 5,000 years ago Jews were using wireless.

A Jewish guy comes to Rebbe: 
Rebbe, in my appartment besides me and my wife, there are also my children
and my mother-in-law and I don't have enough room! What should I do?

Rebbe: Bring a goat into the house. Let him live with you.

The guy: But Rebbe, there is no place for me!

Rebbe: Bring a goat in the house, I tell you!

In a month the guy comes again: "Rebbe, it became much worse, there is no place.  With the goat in the appartment there is no place to move."

Rebbe: Now get rid of the goat!

The next day, the guy returns to the Rebbe full of happiness: "Thank you, thank you Rebbe. It is so good now, so much space!"

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