Monday, August 27, 2012

Jewish Humour: The American Dream

Monday Humor

Much of the Jewish humour on this site can be found in this wonderful book: The Encyclopedia of Jewish Humor, compiled and edited by Henry D. Spalding.

This week's humour is focused on The American Dream:

Three Jewish men arrive in New York from Europe, and decide to meet again in 20 years to see how they all made out in America.

20 years pass...

The first man asks the second, "So, nu? How'd you do?" He replies: Vell, you know...ven I came to this country I had no idea vhat to do with myself to make a livink. So I looked at my last name. Goldstein. So I vent into the gold business. And oy, did I make a FORTUNE!"

He turns to the next man and asks, "So nu, how 'bout you?"

He says "Vell, like you I had no idea vhat I vas going to do in this vast country to make a livink, so I too, looked to my last name. Silverberg. So I vent into silver. And oy, did I make a fortune!"

So they both turn to the last man and say, "And you? Vat happened to you?"

So the third man said, "Vell, I too had no idea how I vas to make a living here in America, so I looked at my last name. Taylor. I said, das no good. I never make money as a tailor.

So I went to shul and prayed. I said "God, if you make me a wealthy man, I promise to make You my partner."

So the first man said, "So, vat happened?" The man replied, "Vas the matter? You never heard of Lord and Taylor?"

It was a sweltering August day when the Greenberg brothers entered the posh Michigan, offices of the notorious car maker. Hyman Greenberg, the eldest of the three, announced, "We have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize the automobile industry." 

The car maker looked skeptical, but their threats to offer it to the competition kept his interest piqued. Hi Greenberg continued, "We would like to demonstrate it to you in person." After a little cajoling, they brought the car maker outside and asked him to enter a black car that was parked in front of the building. Norman Greenberg, the middle brother, opened the door of the car. "Please, step inside." "What!?" shouted the tycoon. "Are you crazy? It must be one hundred degrees in that car!"

"It is," smiled the youngest brother, Max, "but sit down and push the white button." Intrigued, the tycoon pushed the button. All of a sudden a whoosh of freezing air started blowing from vents all around the car, and within seconds the automobile was not only comfortable, it was quite cool! 

"This is amazing!" exclaimed the tycoon. "How much do you want for the patent?" 

Norman spoke up, "The price is one million dollars." Then he paused. "And there is something else. We want the name 'Greenberg Brothers Air Conditioning' to be stamped right next to your logo."

"Money is no problem," the car maker said, "but no way will I have a Jewish name next to my logo on my cars!" 

They haggled back and forth for awhile and finally they settled. One and one-half million dollars, and the name Greenberg would be left off. However, the first names of the Greenberg brothers would be forever emblazoned upon the console of every air conditioning system. And that is why today, whenever you enter a vehicle, you will see those three names clearly defined on the air-conditioning control panel: NORM - HI - MAX!


Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.

Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.