Monday, August 13, 2012

Jewish Humour: Memory, Memories & Old Age

Monday Humor

Much of the Jewish humour on this site can be found in this wonderful book: The Encyclopedia of Jewish Humor, compiled and edited by Henry D. Spalding.
This week's humour is focused on Memory, Memories & Old Age:

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?"

The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally said to his companion, "Aahh, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"

His friends replies, "A carnation?"

"No. No. The other one," the man says.

His friend offers another suggestion, "A poppy?"

"Nahhhh," growls the man. "You know the one that is red and has thorns."

His friend said, "Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, Yes that's it. Thank you!" the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Joseph is thrilled to be taking Bracha, his 95-year old mother to see the hit show, "Fiddler on the Roof." He’s excited not only because Bracha hasn’t seen it before, but also because she came to America in the late 1930s from one of the many Anatevka-like Russian shtetls.

Not only does Joseph book the most expensive seats in the theatre, but he also buys Bracha some smart new clothes to wear. And on the night of the show, he even orders a stretch limo to take them there and back. He wants it to be a memorable evening and doesn’t want to leave anything to chance.

On the night of the show, they arrive in style, take their seats and watch the performance. And as soon as the final curtain comes down, Joseph asks Bracha, "Well Mom, what did you think of the show? Be honest. Did it bring back any memories for you?"

Bracha sits there for a while, then turns to Joseph and gives both a nod and a classic JMS (Jewish Mother Shrug). "Yes bubbeleh, it did," she replies, "but I really don't remember that much singing."

Ruth, Hetty and Naomi, all three in their 80s, are sitting together in their retirement home reminiscing about the good old days. Ruth says, "I remember when I used to be able to buy lovely big cucumbers at the greengrocers for no more than 1p each. They were giants (she demonstrates their length and thickness with her hands as she talks), not like the little cucumbers on sale today."

Hetty then says, "Well I remember the giant onions I used to be able to buy for ½ p each. Every week, I always bought two of them (and she demonstrates the size of the two onions with her hands as she talks) for my chicken soup."

Naomi, who has been sitting quietly listening to Ruth and Hetty, then says, "I couldn’t hear a word either of you were saying, but I remember the guy you were talking about."