Monday, September 24, 2012

Business Humour: The Work Ethic

Monday Humour


This week's humour is focused on The Work Ethic:

A man walks into a pet shop in Cambridge, our very own "Silicon Valley", and is browsing around the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey, please".

The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer, saying "That will be £5,000". The customer pays and walks out with his monkey.

Startled, the man goes over to the shopkeeper and says, "That was a very expensive monkey, most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much?"

"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The man starts to look at the monkeys in the cage. He says to the shop keeper, "That one is even more expensive, £10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh", says the shopkeeper, "that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful stuff."

The man looks around a little longer and sees a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says £50,000.

He gasps to the shop keeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"

"Well," says the shopkeeper, "I don't know if it actually does anything, but says it's a Consultant."

I thought the word "service" meant "the act of doing things for others." But when I heard the terms:

Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations

I became confused. Then I overheard a farmer say that he was having a bull over to "service" a few of his cows. Instantly it all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.

I hope you are now as enlightened as I am.

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work—you and me—and you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.