Monday, September 10, 2012

Jewish Humour: Love & Marriage

Monday Humor

Much of the Jewish humour on this site can be found in this wonderful book: The Encyclopedia of Jewish Humor, compiled and edited by Henry D. Spalding.
This week's humour is focused on Love & Marriage:

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother, Mrs. Goldberg, he has fallen in love and is going to get married. He says to his mother, "Just for fun, Momma, tomorrow I'm going to bring three women to your house to meet you, and you can try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
Of course, Mrs. Goldberg agrees.

The next day he brings three beautiful women into his mother's house and sits them all down on her couch. They chat for a while with Mrs. Goldberg, who serves them coffee and pastries.

That evening, after the three women have left Mrs. Goldberg's home, the son says, "Okay, Momma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The redhead."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her."

Three couples— one elderly, one middle-aged and one young (newly wed)—wanted to join a Jewish temple. The rabbi said, "We have special requirements for new congregants. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The rabbi went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replied, "No problem at all, rabbi." "Congratulations! Welcome to the temple!" said the rabbi.

The rabbi went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "And were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks as well?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. On the second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but yes, we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the temple!" said the rabbi.

The rabbi then went to the young, newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?" "No, rabbi, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.

"What happened?" inquired the rabbi.

"Well, we made it though the first week, but then my beautiful wife was reaching for a can of paint on a high shelf and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust... and that was that."

"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our temple," stated the rabbi.

"We figured as much," said the young man. "We're not welcome at "Home Depot" anymore either."

Jewish marriage advice: "Don't marry a beautiful person. They may leave you. Of course, an ugly person may leave you too. But who cares?"


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