Monday, October 29, 2012

Workplace Humour: Quick Thinking

Monday Humour

This week's humour is focused on the workplace and Quick Thinking:

Three Cheers For Engineers
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer—you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the comfort-level in hell and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, escalators and various useful gizmos, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake—he should never have gotten down there. Send him up here.” Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right! And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

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The Test
The following short quiz consists of four questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a “manager.” The questions are not that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.
This tests your memory.  Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting!
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. 

According to Andersen Consulting World wide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many little pre-schoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four year old. They don't even have that level of achievement!

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Hi-Tech 
Three men are sitting in the sauna, draped in towels. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. Paul presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. “That’s my pager,” he says. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.” A few minutes later a phone rings. Max lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, “That’s my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.”

Dave, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. Within minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper emerging from his buttocks. The others raise their eyebrows. With the best straight face he can muster, he explains, “I’m getting a Fax.”

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